Q&A on The Talkers & the Not-So-Talkers

Here's another answer to some of the real questions that small group leaders are asking.

Q: Some Kids want to talk a lot and others not at all.  I Don't want to stop the ones who love to be involved, but want the quiet ones to enjoy, too.

A:  Me too!  This is a constant tension to manage.  Simply put, there are some who "need" to talk more, and some that are content to just take it all in.  Then there are those who'd love the chance to talk, but just can't get in a word edge-wise.  Watch the facial expressions of the ones not talking some times.  See if you can tell if they'd like to pipe in, and then ask them what they're thinking.  They may be just waiting for the opportunity.

At times, you can simply say to someone who answers every question, "Let's hold off and let some of the others in the group answer.  We'll get to you in a minute."

Q&A on Being a Hypocrite

I love being able to answer actual questions from my small group leaders.  A while back I asked for questions from my leaders that I'd address at a later time.  Here's a post I did about that.

Q: I'm telling them not to do the very thing I did at their age (hypocritical).

A: Me too! Every single one of us is hypocritical in some ways - even if you were the goody goody growing up.  Being Christ-like does not have a scale based on what they should/shouldn't experience by certain ages.  Our job isn't to point to us as an example, it's to point to Jesus.  And now, our example is one that's worth following (don't doubt that), as we follow Jesus.  We aren't asking them to not do something we once did, we're asking them to live like Jesus.  I've always had a hard time with the idea of you'll never take someone farther than you've been yourself.  Well, if you're sitting at the feet of Jesus, there's no farther you need to take them - he'll do the rest.

How Can I Help?

One of the most difficult things in ministry is knowing what kinds of things volunteers need/want to know, especially when it comes to small group leaders.  For many of us who have been doing ministry for a while we tend to forget some of the things we've had to learn over the years leading our own small groups.

I love getting my team together and talking about some of the things that we're learning collectively.  This weekend in our team meeting, I had our team members write down two things on a notecard.

1. What's something that surprised you about students that you lead when you first got started?  This question allowed for some great conversation around how God was shaping the hearts of our leaders towards their students.  
2. What's something you struggle with in keeping your students on target in your small group?  This is a question that we intentionally didn't get to in our time together, but instead I told them that I'd be answering their questions in our weekly emails that go out.  This allowed for them to look forward to the emails that I send out (readership can always be higher) and for them to have helpful content.

I'm excited to repeat this process with my small group leaders as we go.  I want to constantly be helping them work on their leadership skills when it comes to leading students.  

How do you train, equip, and speak into your small group leaders?

Security Matters

Last week our staff took Thursday and Friday to spend together at Willow Creek's Global Leadership Summit.  And it was awesome to spend those days being recharged about calling, creating great teams and the every year reminder that the "local church is the hope of the world."

During Condoleezza Rice's talk she mentioned her pastor, John Ortberg, and I leaned over to our children's director and whispered, "How'd you like to have her kids in your children's ministry?"  What I meant was having that high profile of a person entrusting her kids to you.

Then it hit me.  Why is anyone's kids any different.  The same security that it takes to make sure that someone like Condoleezza Rice could trust you with her children should be the same level of security that it takes for any parent to entrust us with their children.

So, I'm bound to make a difference in our environment by doing these things better:

1. A protocol for when a parent looses a child claim sticker.
2. Bathroom attendants to make sure the every kid who needs to use the restroom is safe.
3. Exit monitors to make sure that no one enters or exits that doesn't belong.

How are you making your children's environment safe enough that if Condoleezza Rice showed up she knew she could trust you with her children?

Environment Matters

(No, we're not talking about going Green.)  What we see, feel, hear, & even smell matters.  We work hard every week at creating an incredible environment for our children each week.  We also work hard at creating an environment that says to new families who drop their kids off that "this is a place where my kids will be safe."

Every week a new family registers their child at our check-in stations, and then brings them to their small group space.  Statistics show that what the new family sees in that first 5 minutes will make or break whether that family will consider bringing their kids back!  Holy Cow!

Here are just three key points about how to help new families (and children) have a great first impression:

1. Arrive on Time - Making sure that you are in your assigned classroom on time goes a long way to making sure that you are ready as soon as that first child is checked in.  It also says a lot to a new family (especially the new kid) if you're available to talk with them before anyone else gets there.
2. Control the Chaos - No family wants to see that their child is being dropped off at something that looks like there's no control.  Just about any new kid, whether they're timid or rambunctious, wants order - especially in a new place.
3. Be Prepared - Simply taking 30-45 minutes to read over your lessons and prepare your materials during the week allows you to roll with the punches during group time.  If you're constantly trying to read what's next instead of knowing what's next, you'll loose control quickly.
4. Greet New Families - If you're prepared, and on time, when a new family drops their son or daughter off, or picks them up you'll likely have a chance to introduce yourself to that new family.  This allows them to put a possitive face to who is leading their child spiritually.

Baby Dedication Celebration

This weekend we will celebrate with some of our families the exciting birth of one of God's most precious creations.

Baby Dedication Celebration is one of my favorite things to get to be a part of.  Here is how we celebrate this incredible milestone with our families.

1. Homework.  During the 1st few months of a baby's life you are consumed with diapers, bottles, wet wipes, diapers, spit-up, no sleep, and did I mention diapers?

We want to give our families a chance to step back and take a look at the big picture for the future of their child, and how their own faith will impact the life of their son or daughter.  There are a three audio teachings that lead into two cards that have the parents dream about 18 years from now, and their own faith.

2.  Parent Orientation.  This little 30-min orientation allows us to meet new families, and share the Orange vision about how we as a church are excited to partner with them in the raising of their child.  The most exciting part of this is to get to talk about the importance of a partnership between us, the church, and their family.  We want them to know that we don't have some perfect picture of what a family should look like, but that we just want to help them take the next step that God has for them!  And we want them to know that we do not expect for them to feel like they are on their own.  This allows us to plug adult small groups.

At this meeting we also talk about the Celebration that will take place on the designated Sunday.  We get correct name spellings for certificates, and check to see which service each family plans to attend.

3. The Celebration.  At some point during the service we show a video that has Deuteronomy 6 as our families make their way to the stage.  We talk about the process that they've been through, and again cast the Orange Vision

We do this process twice a year.  This allows for us to be strategic in continually casting the Orange vision to every family that we can.

Managing Social Media in an Hour

I run our church's social media - Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Foursquare, YouTube, Vimeo - as well as the same stuff for our Youth.  I love it!  And I hate it.

I love it because it's another way to engage people with great content from sermons, help for parents, blog posts, events, and just about anything else.  I get a pulse on my audience.  

I hate it because it can become a time-waster.

But the lovely folks at RO4R just put out a great little helper:  Social Media an Hour a Day.

How's Your W.A.L.K.? Making Your Kidmin Environment Great

Every year, on average we get about 40 hours of opportunity to impact the life of a child and their family.  Each week children walk into our environment ready, scared, excited, pumped, and a multitude of other emotions and mindsets.  How do we make the most of our 40 hours that we have?  Here's a simple approach...we W.A.L.K.

W - arm heart and welcoming personality.  As children walk over to your square of carpet, rug, or small group space, do they know that you're excited for them to be there?  We have no idea what kind of environment they just came from, but we can set the kind of environment that they come in to.  When we welcome children with warmth and love we show them that they matter to God, and if they matter to God, they matter to us.

A - rrive early to your ministry opportunity.  When you arrive early you are more prepared.  It shows. When you arrive early, and you're prepared, you're more able and ready to do the first one.  I'm much more excited to see students when I'm prepared and know what I'm talking with them about.  Our time goes better when I'm prepared. 

L - eaders are Learners.  If you lead a small group, teach a large group, put goldfish crackers on a napkin for a prek kid, you are a leader.  And as Jim Wideman says, "When you stop learning, you stop leading." Take advantage of the meetings, gatherings, emails, articles, websites, blogs and everything available to learn how to be a better leader.  Leaders are constantly learning something about themselves and something about the people they lead and how to lead them more effectively.

K - now the children that you minister to.  One of my favorite ways to do this is whenever my son watches Diego, or Team Umizoomi or anything else on Disney or Nickelodeon I'll cue in on the commercials.  Marketers know our kids sometimes better than we do.  What are some of the lessons we can learn from them and translate that to our teaching environments?  What are some of the cool toys?  When we know the children we minister to, we can better communicate with them about what's most important.

(I owe the credit of this acrostic to Craig Jutila - it came from his Saddleback Children's Handbook a number of years ago.)